The Journey of a Seeker – My Story

In this post, I am going to talk about my spiritual journey and the two most influential people in my life, Osho and Sadhguru. I am going to walk you through the journey of my life and give you accurate description of the changes that I went through in my sadhana. Then I will provide an honest unbiased review of both Sadhguru and Osho. Finally, I will put the concept of spiritual enlightenment in a scientific perspective and try to explain it using the terminology of academic psychology.

My Spiritual Journey – Me to Me

Early years

I grew up in a Hindu family which required me to believe in a personal God and his family of Gods. My grandparents taught me that God had a family with children who had God relatives. I was asked to pray to them to have my wishes granted and threatened to be punished by God if I was morally wrong. My early childhood days were spent in listening to stories of mythology and singing devotional songs. I showed more devotion than any of the other children of my age in my neighborhood. Eventually, I began to fall in love with all these heavenly beings and had a deep desire to see them with my physical eyes. I was told that it was possible if I prayed enough.

In those early days, I have watched movies in which devotees performed Tapas (penance) to get a vision of God and to get their boons granted. They were shown to be sitting or standing with closed eyes in various positions for years with no food and water so that they can have such visions. Seeing those people in movies, I too tried to imitate them. I used to sit with closed eyes for fifteen to thirty minutes every day when I was seven years old. Unknowingly, I had tried to do my first meditation this way.

I had learnt to read very early in my life. When I was seven years old, I could read and understand stories in children’s magazines written in Tamil. This was going to help to me to learn some advanced topics in the years to come. The same year, I was also taught in school about Buddha. I was taught that Buddha attained enlightenment under a bodhi tree and I had no idea what it meant.

Introduction to Ramakrishna

When I was about nine years old, I happened to read the book ‘Gospel Of Ramakrishna’. Ramakrishna Paramhamsa was the guru of Swami Vivekananda. He was considered to be enlightened but was not as famous as Vivekananda. I was fascinated about the trances that Ramakrishna used to go through, a state in which he was immersed in divine bliss with no consciousness of the outside world. The trances are called Samadhis. I also read about the unbelievable stories of how he used to have visions of Goddess Kali and talk with her. His words were filled with pearls of wisdom. One thing he insisted was to stay away from women and gold. He considered the desires for women and gold to be the common obstacles to spiritual enlightenment. The Indian word for spiritual enlightenment is Moksha, the event which frees an individual from the cycle of birth and death and makes him to be directly united with God. This concept is same as salvation or the union with God in Christianity.

Reading this book increased my desire to see God in a physical form. Ramakrishna used to say that if somebody shed tears in the desire to see God, then he would definitely see God in this lifetime and attain liberation (enlightenment).Reading this, I immediately shed tears after shutting myself in the pooja (worship) room.

I was also impressed about the fact that Ramakrishna followed Christianity and Islam to see if they also led to the same goal of Samadhi. He was able to get the same results by doing sadhana in Christian and Sufi paths.

Exposure to Yoga and other concepts

After a year, I started reading a book about Yoga and came to know about Ashtanga yoga, the eight limbs of Yoga in the path of attaining Samadhi. Samadhi is the highest goal of Yoga but it required years and years of practising meditation, doing asanas and pranayamas (exercises manipulating the breath). I tried to do meditation often but ended up fighting with my thoughts and had no success in concentration. After seeing continuous failures in getting my mind to focus on a single object, I finally gave up the confidence that I could do it.

Then I started reading Bhagwad Gita and Periya Purnam (A collection of stories of 63 enlightened devotees of Lord Shiva). I had also read a few mythological books including Skanda Purana and Shiva Purana. I also read texts about Vedanta and self-inquiry but I could not understand them. Finally, I started to believe that God is one, formless but can show himself to devotees in the form they worship.

When I read more about science, I understood that many of the things which are in the religious domain are not accepted by science. One day I thought, ‘May be I should do something to create a bridge between science and religion’. I always dreamed of becoming a scientist when I was a child. I believed that if religion is approached in a scientific way, we can discover many things.

Teenage Years

During my teenage years, I developed depression and inferiority complex. I had trouble in forming friendships and I saw myself as unworthy. But I had a lot of ambitions. I had mastered the art of writing poetry in Tamil in classical metres like venba, asiriyappa, virtutham etc. I was known as a good poet and orator in my school, by the time I was 14 years old. Even though I had inferiority complex, I had absolutely no stage fear. But my depression deepened in the coming months and I began to show some abnormal behaviour in school. I used to shut myself in a classroom and cry without any reason. I also developed a crush on a girl and started convincing myself that it is love. I lived far away from reality and had developed a fantasy prone and neurotic personality. I clearly showed the traits of bipolar disorder. I used to be known as the most brilliant student in my class. But the depressive phases and my so called ‘love’ had made me to seek more time in solitude.  After recovering from depression to some extent and finishing my tenth grade, I wrote hundreds of poems about love, life and God during the summer vacation. By this time, I had also formed an image of an ideal self, a self that I wanted to be. Everybody has an actual self and an ideal self. The less they overlap with each other, the more anxiety they feel. My actual self and ideal self didn’t seem to even touch each other.

First, I wanted to be seen as normal by people and conform to the standards of society. I wanted to develop my social skills and interact with people with confidence. Then I wanted to be known as an accomplished poet or an author in the future. Finally, I wanted to marry the girl I loved and live happily ever after. Before I die, I wanted to make sure that my name is registered in the history. That was my ideal self. I realized I had to work really hard to achieve my goals.

Also, when I looked back on what I read about Yoga and attaining Samadhi, I realized that was not going to be possible. How can I ever stop my desire for money, women and other things? After all, everyone is striving for well being. If I stop going for things that will increase my well being, then what else I would do to bring myself lasting happiness? I realized that spirituality is not for me.

College years

I lived away from my parents when I was studying in a polytechnic college in Chennai. I initially stayed in a hostel but due to pathological ragging that was done by seniors in the hostel, I moved to a room shared with other students. I faced a lot of issues during those times but I have just made the long story short. I had chosen to study chemical technology but unfortunately in a few months I realized that it was not the subject I wanted to study. So, for the first year and a half, I did not score well in the exams.

In the fourth semester I took a decision. I decided to dedicate myself to studies, accomplishing my goals and showing ultimate devotion to God to earn his grace. I also tried to be morally perfect in every aspect. If God chooses to show his grace to people who are moral and devotional, then it should happen to me. So, I pushed myself to the extreme. The life for the 6 months was very intense and I gave my 100% in everything, in every moment of life.

During mid December of that year, I started to walk 2 kilometres in the morning at 4 am everyday to a nearby temple and pray for about an hour. Then I would walk back to my room. I did the same thing in the evening and I continued this for a month.

Here is the gist of my prayers: “Dear God.. you know me very well and you are aware of what I can do and what I cannot do. I am trying all I could do to change myself, work hard and also be a good person. But I have difficulty in controlling my impulses and exercising self-control. Why did you create me like this, with this kind of genetics? Please show me the way.. I don’t know what else to do. I have what you have given me as my available resources.. You gave me this body, you gave me these tendencies.. How can I alone be responsible to correct those tendencies and be a good, kind, hardworking person? You gave me the environment and genetic factors that made me neurotic, selfish and irresponsible. I tried my best and I am not able to change that. Is it fair if you punish me for something that I don’t have full control over? Please be kind and help me”..

I literally used to have a mental conversation with God everyday in the temple. In the mean time, I started analyzing my thoughts and behaviors seriously. Every time I behaved in a negative way, I sat and analyzed what went wrong. I made my thought process conscious and engaged in a deep contemplation every day.

In the mean time I started to wonder how much control an individual has over one’s behavior. Consider the following facts:

  • People with low levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter produced by the nervous system, are predisposed to show impulsive activity and emotional aggression.
  • People who have high levels of testosterone are more likely to show aggressive behavior.
  • A brain tumor caused an individual to be sexually abusive towards girls. Once the tumor was removed, he became normal.

These psychological findings show that a person’s behaviour is highly influenced by hereditary factors, hormonal levels, other biological factors and the environment. They can even affect self control. So, somebody’s moral behaviour is not completely under his or her control.

“So, If God created me like this, is it fair for the God to punish me for the behaviour that is simply the result of my biology? Also, what kind of God he is if he chooses to favour the people who prays to him? I am willing to change and trying my best, so what is stopping from God to help me?”

I used to put these questions to God when I prayed. I reasoned with him a lot and I told him I really had no idea what to do more than what I was doing then. Whatever the problem was, I asked God to fix it. If it seemed impossible for any reason, I asked him to take my life and give me eternal peace.

When it came to studies, I made sure I dedicated a few hours each day. I pushed myself too hard and started to bite off more than I could chew, in all aspects. I remained alert about my thought patterns and behaviors and constantly monitored myself. I could manage all this until the end of the semester. After that, there was no way I could continue doing what I was doing. The grip that I had over myself began to loosen and I started losing my self control.

I did really well in the exams that semester. I had got the third highest score among my peers. But I had expected to come first. I did all I could do for this. I obviously worked harder than others but I still couldn’t reach my goal. My ideal self appeared to be so far away. I felt restless, anxious and unhappy.

In the next 6 months, I experienced a tremendous fear of loss. I started to get thoughts like, ‘what if I lost everything I have, What if I become a beggar?’…. I didn’t resist those thoughts, instead I waited to see what those thoughts are up to. Whatever bad situation that I imagined, I made myself mentally strong to face it. I told myself ‘I can face anything in my life!’… One of my favorite proverbs those days was ‘Hope for the best but prepare for the worst’..

I gradually started questioning everything in my life.. What is the purpose of this life after all? Why should I continue to live? Everything seemed to be meaningless. My rational mind started to question the existence of God. When I dug deeper into my mind, it seemed as if nothing had any purpose. There seemed to be no way to fulfill the expectations of mind. I thought I would rather die instead of having to suffer with my immature, neurotic and unpredictable personality.

Then I thought, ‘If I have decided to end this life now, then I have a freedom of doing anything I like… I can die at any minute when it seems to be impossible to live any longer.’… The idea that death is an open choice all the time gave me a sudden sense of freedom and peace. ‘Let me let this life going and see what happens’ I thought.

Introduction to the books of Osho

I got a membership in a nearby library later that year, in my fifth semester. That is where I saw a book by Osho. I had heard about him before but had no idea who he was and what he taught. So, I borrowed that book and began to read.

The first thing that caught my attention was what he said about meditation. He said that trying to concentrate and fighting with thoughts generate more and more thoughts as a result. He made very clear that meditation was not concentration. He suggested a new technique for meditation which was to witness my thoughts non-judgmentally, as an observer. He taught to observe my thoughts as if I had nothing to do with them. I was kind of already doing this and I felt it very easy and doable.

Next, he said that God is not a person. There is no personal God. ‘That is what I thought’, I said to myself. He told that there is Godliness, which is the very essence of life, which is the very essence of who I am.

Third, He made very clear what ego is. One of the things that both shocked me and sounded true was the fact that even trying to be humble can be a subtle way for ego to show superiority over others. We tend to think we are more humble than others and that kind of gives us a humble ego. He made me aware that ego tries to find meaning in everything and attaches itself to it. It makes me to define myself with concepts and always makes me in a constant pursuit of enhancing itself. It maintains a story, the story of ‘me’ and makes us constantly to be identified with it and protect it all the time. He also revealed that cutting of the identification with this self-concept created by ego is enlightenment. It is just realizing our own nature which is hidden behind the veil of ego. That is what Buddha realized under Bodhi tree. That is what Ramakrishna found in Samadhi. That is what every individual is searching for. That true nature of yours is what people actually call God. God is not somebody who is sitting in the heaven, watching you and granting your true nature. Everybody has a potential to realize their true nature.

I realized that a new door was opened for me. A new possibility of attaining complete fulfilment in my life has been just revealed to me. I found it to be refreshing, exciting and illuminating. I continued to read many books of Osho and became addicted to it. In one of his books, he revealed his own story of enlightenment and how it happened to him.

(I will explain my own criticisms about Osho later in this post. I am listing whatever happened in a chronological order)…

Here is a list of facts and teachings revealed by Osho, a gist of what I understood from many books I read after that:

  • As you start witnessing your thoughts and be alert each and every moment, you will start noticing gaps between thoughts. The gaps will get bigger and you will soon be able to witness your unconscious patterns, emotions, moods and subtle sensations. Gradually your thoughts will reduce and you will come to a point where there is absolute stillness. Then suddenly, when you are least expecting anything to happen, enlightenment happens.
  • Then you realize you are what you have been searching for. Your true nature which is beyond space and time is revealed to you which leaves you absolutely blissful and content.
  • If you try to become a morally good person, it leads to suppressing your desires. Then you will become hypocrite. You will be a good person at the periphery, but in the center all those tendencies that cause immoral behavior will exist and erupt at anytime. But once you are enlightened, you will naturally be a good person.
  • The presence of an enlightened person radiates peace and love, and has the ability to quieten your mind. If you get to live near an enlightened person, your spiritual progress will naturally accelerate.
  • Love is another path to enlightenment. You can either start with witnessing or love.
  • If you pay attention to what you are doing and witness everything that happens inside you, than anything that you do is a meditation. Simple things like walking, eating will become a meditation if you are mindful, alert and witness every thought, sensation and activity that happens. It is important to have a non judgemental attitude.
  • When you live moment to moment like this, you will simply do what is required at the given moment. Preoccupation with past and future disappears. There will not be even necessary to make plans for the future. You will be absolutely satisfied with whatever the present moment brings to you.
  • He gave a controversial discourse series called ‘From Sex to superconciousness’ in which he said being mindful during sex can be a good meditation and become a doorway for enlightenment.
  • He insisted that there is no need to renounce the world to be spiritually enlightened. One can become enlightened by living a normal life as a householder.
  • Phrases like ‘achieving enlightenment’ or ‘becoming enlightened’ are actually wrong because we are already what we are looking for. We just have to realize or uncover that. He made very clear that words can be misleading and they are just like a finger pointing to the moon.

There are many other strange facts that he revealed in different discourses. He has given many examples of enlightened people who can leave their body at will. If they want to die, they will just shed their body like shedding their clothes. In one discourse he said that an enlightened person has an aura of 24 miles radius and anybody who is sensitive within that 24 miles radius will feel the effect of his presence.

He has talked about his past lives. In many of his early talks, he talked about various things regarding reincarnation, the time it takes for a soul to take a new womb, karma etc. He said that dreams during sleep will completely disappear after enlightenment.

He also mentioned in a couple of discourses that most of the time, enlightenment and death happen at the same time. Many people, when they get enlightened, immediately leave their body due to the extreme shock that they go through in their body.

I noticed a style in Osho. Osho had a tendency to exaggerate things. When he narrated an event that happened in the life of somebody who was enlightened, he often made his own screenplay and dialogues and made the story very dramatic. So, If somebody copies and rephrases what he said, it will be very obvious to people who have read many books of Osho’s discourses.

Also, he said many times that what he talks in his discourses is not at all important. His discourse is simply a device to silence our minds and make us receptive to his presence. Once we are receptive and available to his presence, then it can directly work on the seekers to progress in the path. He insisted more on a silent transmission than the content of his talks.

He also insisted that enlightenment should not be seen as a goal. That is a subtle way of ego entering through the backdoor. Enlightenment is not an achievement; it is simply uncovering our true nature. Everybody has the potential for it. But a desire for enlightenment can also be a hindrance in getting it.

He has contradicted himself many times and has openly admitted it. Life is full of contradictions. So, there is no way to explain about reality in a completely logical way. Sometimes it is natural for his statements to seem like contradictions. But whenever somebody asked about a contradiction, he often explained it to prove that in fact there was no contradiction.

Osho was very creative in his way of talking. His talks were filled with anecdotes, jokes, harsh criticisms against many popular people, repetitive statements and sometimes pointless gossip. He gave commentaries on Upanishads, Bhagwad Gita, Buddhist texts, Zen, Sikhism, Christian mysticism, Sufism and many more. He made very clear that all these paths lead to the same goal and explained the true essence of these paths.

Witnessing – Phase 1

As soon as I started reading Osho, I have also begun to put his witnessing meditation into practise. His witnessing meditation is an age old technique which is called Sakshi Bhav in Vedanta, Shikantaza in Zen and Sati (Mindfulness) in Buddhism. In the recent years, science has found substantial evidence for the role of mindfulness meditation in decreasing stress and increasing well being.

Soon, I went to my native place for my semester holidays and I got enough solitude to practice witnessing. A month earlier, I was practicing his other meditations like dynamic meditation, gibberish meditation and more. I created my own therapy based on his various meditation techniques and I do believe that it resolved a lot of unconscious issues.

As I progressed in my witnessing meditation, I started feeling calmer and peaceful. The thought process gradually slowed down. I continued to do it every day with great involvement. One day, when I was staring at the ceiling witnessing my thoughts, there was a brief moment of stillness with no thoughts. There was an absolute clarity and peace of mind that I had never encountered before. For the first time, I realized that I can exist without thoughts. It gave me a clear and firm knowledge that thoughts are not me.

This was like a Eureka moment. An immediate excitement followed that gave me a new strength and peace which continued for the next six months. I went back to college for the final semester, which is the happiest period that I had in the entire three years. This momentary realization was a confirmation that there is something indestructible. I interpreted it as a glimpse of my essential nature. Osho used to call this Satori.

After this, I was able to concentrate on a single task for hours and be immersed in it. Recently, as I began to learn psychology, I realized that there is a name for this. It is called ‘flow’. Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does. These states were very common and occurring everyday when I was immersed in a task. During those states, there was no feeling of my individual existence. It was as if I had disappeared.. There was just pure awareness, focus and a sense of being alive.

I felt that the complete flowering of enlightenment is very near. But I also remembered Osho saying that there will be many beautiful moments that you will pass through. Don’t make any of those moments your home. Just keep going. You may feel that you have arrived but it is not necessarily so.

I talked to one of my close friends regarding this and I started to explain him about the beauty of meditation. I also told him that I felt like I might be enlightened soon. But I was wrong. After about six months, the initial excitement of this Eureka moment faded. But the feeling that there is something indestructible and everyday occurrence of flow continued and never stopped.

As I continued to read Osho’s books, I felt very unfortunate that there was no enlightened master like Osho at present time that I could meet and ask my questions. I felt that if there was someone like him around, then he could guide me on my spiritual path.

Encounter the enlightened – The First Satsang With Sadhguru

In January 2003, I saw a wall post regarding a satsang at Marina beach, Chennai. It was titled ‘Encounter the enlightened’ in Tamil with the photograph of a man with a long beard. He looked like Osho. I saw the name ‘Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev’ printed in the wall post. It was to be held on January 22, 2003. As soon as I saw it, I made up my mind to go there.

It was a beautiful evening at Marina beach with thousands of people gathered. Sadhguru spoke about many things which were similar to what Osho had said about enlightenment. He spoke in Tamil flavored with Kannada accent, sounding like the dialect of actor Rajinikanth. Most of his views were matching with the views of Osho. When he gave us instructions for a guided meditation, he asked everyone to focus in the middle of one’s eyebrows. I remember him saying ‘Just keep a slight focus in between your eyebrows, but don’t concentrate’. This instantly reminded me of Osho. ‘So, there is someone here who is enlightened’, I told myself. But it seemed almost impossible to approach him as he was already quite popular.

He spoke about his foundation called Isha Foundation based in Coimbatore which conducts Yoga programs all over the state. At the end of the satsang, his book ‘Encounter the enlightened’ in Tamil was on sale. But I had no money to buy it. I returned home with mixed feelings; A happiness on having seen another modern day enlightened Guru and a disappointment for not being able to buy that book.

After finishing my course in Polytechnic, I noticed a weekly article in Anantha Vikatan authored by Sadhguru, with a title in Tamil that translates to ‘Desire for everything!’.. This again reminded me of Osho’s advice saying that we should not repress our desires. At the same time, another clean shaved guy with the name Nithyananda showed up with his own article in Kumudham which introduced him as another enlightened modern day Guru! But for some reason, he didn’t quite appear enlightened to me, may be because he didn’t have any beard J..

My Career in BPO and My First Isha Yoga program

After spending a few months at home reading books by Osho and searching for a job, I started working. After working in two different companies in various profiles, I finally got a job with good salary in a call center in Chennai. I started earning money, made new friendships, faced a lot of ups and downs and changed four different companies in about 5 years time. I had stopped reading spiritual books and went ahead with life. Finally, I saw an announcement for Isha Yoga program which was to be conducted in Anna University for two weeks. (or one week, I don’t remember). I enrolled in the program with my friend.

I had a good time over the whole program. We were given detailed information about Isha and its activities for social welfare. I also came to know more about Dhyanalinga, which is said to give you the same effect that you will get in the presence of an enlightened guru. They said that if one sat in front of Dhyanalinga and closed his eyes, he would automatically become meditative. According to Sadhguru, the Dhyanalinga has all the seven chakras that a human being has. It has been consecrated in such a way that the energy and peace that radiates from Dhyanalinga is the same as the energy and peace radiated in the presence of someone who is enlightened. We were taught a kriya called shambhavi mahamudra, which had to be practiced twice a day. At the end of the Isha Yoga program, I immediately enrolled for the upcoming next level program called Bhava Spandana. It was a three day residential program in Isha Yoga centre, Coimbatore.

I arrived in Isha Yoga centre in the evening on the first day of Bhava Spandana. We were asked to submit our mobile phones, bags and money as there will not be any contact with the outside world for three days. I went to the dome of Dhyanalinga for the first time and meditated for fifteen minutes. To be honest, I just felt a normal relaxed state and stillness and nothing much in the presence of Dhyanalinga. The atmosphere was definitely conducive for meditation but I felt nothing more than how I would usually feel when I meditated in my home or room. May be I was not receptive enough or maybe the effects of the linga are overrated…  But usually, according to Sadhguru and Osho, trying to figure out such things with our rational mind is not going to work. Their usual argument is, our logic cannot figure out something that is beyond logic. But I had an immense trust on Sadhguru. So, I was confident that I was on the right way.

I felt very insecure on the first night of Bhava Spandana. I felt like I had been disconnected from the outside world. But the next morning, the insecurity disappeared. I participated in all the meditations in BSP with 100% intensity. Some of the meditations involved action and were similar to the concept of dynamic meditation by Osho. The feelings of oneness and peace I felt there was not new to me since I had already experienced that with my witnessing meditation. But the three days were very beautiful and the overall experience was good.

After the BSP program, I came back to Chennai and my regular routine started again. A lot of things happened in my life then which gave me extreme suffering. I used to become emotionally dependent on certain people that I liked a lot; If the people I liked didn’t give me the same attention to me, it made me to suffer and become anxious. That was exactly what was happening in those days. It took a few months for me to become alright again.

Exploring Spirituality further

I had bought two books by Sadhguru, ‘Encounter the enlightened’ and ‘Mystic’s musings’. The book Mytic’s Musings was about many things that any rational person would never want to believe in. But I had no problem with that because of the trust I had in Sadhguru. I always remembered what Sadhguru said, ‘Don’t believe me or disbelieve me! Don’t come to a conclusion about anything by yourself. Be ready to say I don’t know and be a seeker’… Osho has said the same thing many times. It has always been my own approach to life too.  I finished reading those two books and watched a lot of videos of Sadhguru’s talks.

I continued my meditations and I had many peak experiences. Peak experiences were described by psychologist Abraham Moslow as “rare, exciting, oceanic, deeply moving, exhilarating, elevating experiences that generate an advanced form of perceiving reality, and are even mystic and magical in their effect upon the experimenter”. In the mean time, I read the teachings of Ramana Mahirishi. I also came to know about Eckhart tolle and his awakening experience. I read three of his books, ‘The Power of now’, ‘A New Earth’ and ‘The Stillness speaks’.

I came across the teachings of another Indian guru named Poonjaji. Soon I discovered that there are many people who claim to be enlightened, especially in the west. Some of them I read about were Gangaji, Andrew Cohen, Ramesh Balsekar, Mooji, Joan Tollifson etc. I read their testimonies about the awakening experiences. Are each of one of them really enlightened or they just had some peak experiences and glimpses of their reality? There seemed to be no way to find out. Can we really draw a single line called ‘Enlightenment’ in someone’s life which is the ultimate line after which there is no progress further? Is everyone who claims to enlightened talk about that same line? I emailed a couple of these people and got answers too. They said that their enlightenment was a gradual process and not something that occurred in the single moment as Osho described. They also didn’t have a totally thoughtless mind, ability to leave the body at will or memories of previous incarnation. Did Osho exaggerate the effects of enlightenment by saying that there would be no thoughts or did these people just conclude that they were enlightened with no basis to support their claim? I had no answers to these questions.

I had already integrated Karma Yoga, Gnana Yoga and Bhakthi yoga in my life and made my life itself a sadhana. Every moment was an opportunity for me to explore the depths of unconsciousness and clear out the clouds which were hiding my own reality. The concepts of Advaita taught me ‘acceptance’. I learnt to accept the life as it is.

My Marriage and the life after

I got married in December 2008. The first two years of my marriage were spent in a lot of conflicts and quarrels between me and my wife. I became addicted to alcohol and started drinking twice or thrice a week. I started learning about PHP programming, chess tactics, astronomy, photoshop and many other things. Photography became my new hobby. Nothing much happened in my life those days. I used to go to Ramana Mahirishi’s ashram in Tiruvannamalai with my wife whenever I got a chance and spend time in meditation.

Two years later, I moved to my own native place, Tirunelveli and got a job there. I spent my time in learning, writing articles and trying out new things on the internet. New interests always popped up and got me going. The moments of flow helped me to stay on focus.

After another two years, I moved to Coimbatore. I started exploring places nearby. I climbed mountains and hills on weekends and took pictures. I enjoyed trekking in various places of Nilgiris. I had stopped drinking alcohol and started experimenting with cannabis. It seemed to be a magic herb. It enhanced my creativity, focus and compassion. We had no kids and there were no big responsibilities. I used to visit Isha Yoga centre occasionally but wasn’t thinking much about enlightenment or spirituality. I didn’t think anything about the future or the past. Living in the present moment was quite satisfying but there was still something incomplete in me which was yearning for fulfillment.

On May 5, 2014, I climbed the Velliangiri mountains. It is a holy mountain near Coimbatore. Isha Yoga centre is right at the foot of the mountains. Sadhguru himself had spent time there and he had said that many enlightened people left their bodies there and their energy can be still felt in the mountains. There was no one to accompany me to trek the mountain so I went all by myself. I started walking uphills at about 7:30 AM and reached the summit by 1:30. The mountain is very steep and difficult to climb. The view from the top is amazing. I had the darshan of the linga in the summit, took rest for about 30 minutes and started walking downhill. I took many photographs and finally reached the bottom at about 7:30 PM. The experience was wonderful.

The Major ‘Change’ – Is it Enlightenment?

The trip to Velliangiri mountains triggered the seeker in me and I decided to go deep in meditation as much as I could. I started paying attention to every moment, every thought and every sensation. I made very clear to me that whatever I observe, perceive, think, experience and know is not me. I witnessed all the passing emotions and moods as a passive observer.

I went to Isha yoga centre every week, took bath in Theerthakund and meditated for an hour. I spent almost half of the day there. In the office, my nature of job was to talk to the customers over the phone during the whole night and answer their questions. I became deeply involved in the present moment and enjoyed my work. I soon stopped thinking about many things in the external world. I noticed my thoughts slowing down leaving a peaceful, clear stillness in the large gaps between each thought. Very soon, I started feeling intense euphoria at times which lasted for hours. The quality of my work increased, the clarity in my voice and speech increased and I started to feel waves of bliss in my head. It was like a cool breeze flowing in my head.

Soon, I stopped my interactions with other people. It was not my conscious decision but happened automatically. I couldn’t believe that all these things were happening to me. I didn’t feel any intense negative emotion or anxiety but almost the whole day at my work was filled with bliss and peace. Soon, the psychological boundaries between me and the world started to disappear. I started getting a lot of attention and I was pretty sure that something tremendous was happening.

I went to attend Sadhguru’s darshan that happened in the Isha ashram on June 18th and 19th, 2014. I felt one with the whole universe during the entire satsang. The feeling of oneness with the world was then continuous. Whatever I did seemed to happen without much of my conscious will. Everything I did was spontaneous like a river flowing down the hills. The doer in me seemed to have completely disappeared and everything seemed to be happening out of cosmic will instead of my own will.

It was a huge blessing. Every day at work, I felt tremendously happy and satisfied. For the first time in my life, I felt complete and fulfilled. I wondered, ‘Is it really possible for me to suffer ever again?’… I felt like the king of the whole world.

I went to another satsang that was held on July 12, 2014 (Guru Purnima day). I remember getting on the bus feeling so light as if I had no weight on the body. Everything seemed to be so transparent. During the entire satsang, I was immersed in my Self. That night while I was lying on my bed, there was a sudden clarity. It seemed that my search was over. There was nothing else to achieve and nothing more to do to make me complete.

The days after the change

The excitement and the wave of bliss were gradually reduced in the days to come. Though I no longer felt the waves and breeze of bliss in my head, being peaceful and complete has been the normal state of my mind from those days of transformation to till date.

Though I had no doubt that the journey as a human being in my life was over and it wouldn’t matter if I die at any moment, the transformation didn’t exactly fit into the description of enlightenment as implied by Osho and Sadhguru. When I thought about it later after the next two years, I noted down my observation of the changes it had made in my thinking, well being and my way of life:

  • Self image is no longer important to me.
  • My past no longer plays a role in giving me a mental identity in my mind.
  • I cannot think about future the same way I did before. In a sense, I seemed to have lost the sense of time. I don’t and can’t rely on an event in the future for satisfaction.
  • I stopped feeling that there is an ‘other’. The psychological boundaries between me and the world disappeared. A lot of concepts in Psychology doesn’t seem to apply to me or relevant to me. For example, I no longer felt the psychological self-consciousness and cognitive dissonance.
  • Emotions like sadness and fear seems to have disappeared. But I continue to show the sign of a sudden fear in my facial expression and bodily movements. (For example, if a moving vehicle suddenly comes close to me enough to hit me, I respond to it in the usual way. But it doesn’t have the same impact on my mind as it did before. May be it is so subtle but I don’t usually feel fear or sadness)
  • I continue to feel angry when I am disturbed by others. As a person, I always used to be high in neuroticism and easily angered ever since I was a child. It seemed to a genetic factor. It makes sense to assume that meditation or an awakening experience doesn’t mysteriously change a person’s genetics. But the factors that will make me angry were reduced completely. I could easily change my mood from being angry to being normal.
  • It is not like feeling continuous bliss and being drugged all the time. But there is always a peace and fulfillment and there is no longer a feeling that something is incomplete.
  • The thoughts have not completely disappeared but they have been tremendously reduced. My thinking is usually not about the past or the present. For example, at any moment I may be thinking ‘May be there is life on one of the moons on Saturn’, or ‘How come humming birds are really too small? They are cute’… I hardly think about me.
  • There is absolutely nothing paranormal. I don’t have any memories of past life and have never seen a damn aura in my life.
  • Biological drives like food and sex motivates my behavior as usual. But motivation theories like expectancy theory or goal setting theory doesn’t seem to apply for me much. I am not driven to do something because I will get something as a result in three months time. I have to remember to consciously involve myself to do it. But I will do something to get a bottle of brandy to drink this evening. These days I have developed a conscious practice of planning ahead and thinking about doing things which are necessary for the future. The drawback with that is, I may completely forget to do it.

Also, while some changes obviously occurred as an immediate result of the transformation, some changes are gradual and still occurring within me. It took a long time to learn to live with this transformed personality and there were challenges that I faced. It is hard to put it in language, because in one way or the other, it will be misleading.

I continue to learn by my experience with this new phenomenon (in fact, people will say that it is not a new thing, it is just a person’s real essence which was and will be always present. That is true… But it is still gives a new outlook. The way it affects our behavior and our experiences is new).

I went through a great deal of suffering after this transformation when I lost my job in the next two years.  That is long story and I don’t want to go into that in detail now. I had to find a new job, had no money and depended on my parents for a couple of months. During those days, I actually missed my old job and the people. Then I realized that I had a subtle attachment with that environment which was not obvious. It took a while for things to settle down. But it was only temporary and soon it became like nothing actually happened. I have written more about what happened in the next three years after awakening in this post: Spiritual Enlightenment – Is it a Myth or Real?


   Osho and Sadhguru – What I noticed about them

Osho – A second look

So if this transformation is not enlightenment, then there must be another shift which is going to happen. But is that really true or enlightenment has been simply exaggerated and over rated than it really is?… Many stories of enlightenment from the west are same as my transformation. So, according to them, I am enlightened but according to Sadhguru and Osho, I am not.

This is something to figure out to prevent people from being misled. Scientific research about enlightenment is the only way to go about it. It is interesting to note that, Osho himself was completely not free of ego. To be exact, his need to feel superior seemed to be still there after enlightenment.

Let me give you some obvious examples:

  1. In the initial years, Osho regarded Nostradamus as simply a crazy man. This is what he said about his predictions:

“Nostradamus can be interpreted in any way you want. The sentences are not clear, the grammar is not correct. The words are such that you can fit them into any context you want”.

But just read what he said about the same man later, when it seemed like Nostrademus predictions about a great future teacher fit with Osho:

“Just a few days ago, I was seeing one of the most significant books to be published in this century, ‘Millenium’. It is a deep research into Nostradamus and his predictions. Eighty thousand copies were published – which is very rare – and they were sold within weeks. Now a second publication, a second edition, is happening in America, another is happening in England, and the book is being translated into many other languages – Dutch, German….

Nostradamus was a great mystic with an insight into the future. And you will be surprised to know that in his predictions, I am included. Describing the teacher of the last days of the twentieth century, he gives eight indications. Krishnamurti fulfills five, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi fulfills three, Da Free John fulfills four – and I was amazed that I fulfill all eight.

In this book ‘Millenium’, they have made a chart of the teacher about whom Nostradamus is predicting – that his people will wear red clothes, that he will come from the East, that he will be arrested, that his commune will be destroyed, that flying birds will be his symbol, that his name will mean moon…. Three hundred years ago that man was seeing something that fits perfectly with me – my name means “the moon.” And in their chart they have declared me the teacher of the last part of the twentieth century.”

Obviously, when Osho found this as boosting his superiority, he regarded the same man as mystic.

  1. Initially Osho didn’t criticize S.N Goenka and even asked his disciples to attend a Vipassana retreat by Goenka. But once Osho heard that Goenka in an interview had said that Osho was his student before, Osho started criticizing S.N Goenka so harshly.
  2. Osho always considered J.Krishnamurti as enlightened. When he heard that J.K had criticized him recently, Osho immediately reacted to it in his next discourse. He said that J.K was just in the border of enlightenment and is not enlightened yet. He also made the same statement in his last book Zen Manifesto.

Also, you will find a significant difference between what Osho has said in his early talks in India and the talks he gave in America. Even though Osho had his own rationalizations on that, anyone who carefully observes this difference can notice many things which clearly indicate that a lot of what Osho said about enlightenment could be just his opinions and exaggerations but may not be facts.

Osho had a really nasty habit of labeling people he criticized as stupids and idiots. His natural defense mechanism would usually come into play when he tried to rationalize things like this as “It is a device. I am just trying to shock you people”. But I don’t agree that many of the things that he calls as device were really consciously devised by Osho to help people towards their spiritual progress. It is pure rationalizing, one of the defense mechanisms of ego that you can observe in any human being. But I did believe that those were genuine devices when I was reading those hundreds of books of Osho. Some of them could be, but not all of them.

Many people who know Osho are probably aware that nitrous oxide was used during dental sessions with Osho. He dictated three books under the influence of Nitrous oxide. If you read those books, you will certainly notice that nitrous oxide did influence his clarity and thought process. But Osho has said that a drug will not impact an enlightened person’s alertness and consciousness in anyway. Also, it is more likely that Osho became addicted to Nitrous Oxide even though he denied it. That affected his thinking process a lot. When you read the books of his talks in the US, you will notice that those talks were just repetitive and pointless ramblings.

My assumption is that behavior, personality and opinions greatly vary between enlightened people because they still retain their genetics and even old habits. A person who was a jerk before enlightenment can retain some of those tendencies after enlightenment and a person who was like a sage before enlightenment may look like an absolute and perfect sage after enlightenment.

But they are just my assumptions. If you ask me ten years later, I may have a different answer. I am more inclined now to approach enlightenment in scientific way. For science, both skepticism and open-mindedness are necessary and important.

Osho’s Influence in the world

Osho definitely made a great contribution to the world. He brought spiritual enlightenment from the heights of great sages to the valley that most of the people in the world live in. He created awareness about enlightenment and showed to people that there is really a way to reduce a great deal of unnecessary suffering in the daily life.

Osho influenced many people who we believe today as enlightened. I can smell that influence in many books written by gurus who are alive today.


Image credit:

How Osho influenced Sadhguru

Sadhguru has never endorsed Osho, even though he has talked about a lot of other mystics. In Mystic Musings, he claimed that most of what he knows came as a direct transmission from his guru. But it is certain that a lot of what he knows also came from Osho.

Enlightened people certainly share the same knowledge and experience of reality. So, in those aspects they can certainly rely on their own experience even though it may appear that one person might have copied the ideas of another person. But it doesn’t apply to everything. A lot of what Sadhguru knows seems to have come from the books by Osho. But I wonder why he never gives him credit.

Here are a few examples..

  1. Here is an anecdote given by Sadhguru:

“When you sit in front of a living Guru, you have many problems, judgments, likes and dislikes, because invariably you end up looking at his personality. People have left their Gurus for all kinds of frivolous things. This happened with J. Krishnamurti, a realized being and very wonderful man. There was a certain lady who was very close to him and deeply involved with his work. She was always around him and traveled to many places with him. Once when he was in Amsterdam, Holland, he went into a shop to buy a tie for himself. He was so meticulous about choosing a tie, because he was very conscious about everything and also what he wore. He could throw the tie away if he wanted to, but when he wears it, he wants it to be in a certain way. So he went into the shop and spent nearly four hours picking out one tie. He pulled out every tie in the shop, looked at it, put it on, and then said, “No.” It took him four hours to select just one tie. This woman watched and watched and watched, and as minutes passed, in her mind his enlightenment receded. She thought a man who could be so concerned about what kind of tie he wears couldn’t be enlightened, and she left him. Many such stupid things are done because of your judgments.”


How did Sadhguru came to know about this incidence? There is absolutely only one way he could have known this. You cannot find this information anywhere except in Osho’s talks. Osho knew this because the lady herself told Osho about this incident. You can find this anecdote from the book ‘The Book of Wisdom’ by Osho.

Here is a link to that excerpt:

  1. Sadhguru once told a story that supposedly happened when Aristotle met Heraclitus. Heraclitus was trying to empty the ocean with a spoon. You can read the whole story here:…

    But Aristotle lived between 384–322 BC and Heraclitus lived between c. 535 – c. 475 BC. There is no way that this meeting took place.. Obviously, it seems there is some mistake…

    How did Sadhguru know about this anecdote?

Obviously, you cannot find the story of Aristotle meeting Heraclitus, except in a book of Osho. The story is from the book ‘Hidden Harmony’ – Chapter 5, by Osho.

Here is the link:

So, did Osho make up this story? No… The story actually happened in St. Augustine’s life. Osho simply mismatched the names because memory doesn’t work perfectly all the time.

  1. In the same link, you can find Sadhguru criticizing the statement “I think, therefore I am” made by Rene Descartes.

But as far as I know, the first person who ever criticized this statement in the context of spiritual enlightenment was Osho. And, Osho actually made a mistake in interpreting Rene’s statement.

Just by reading that statement, anyone can misinterpret that as “Thought is the basis of existence, you cannot exist if you don’t have thoughts’….

But that is not what Rene Descartes intended to say. He said that you can doubt any belief or concept but you cannot deny your own existence. The doubt implies that there is a doubter. A doubter has to exist to doubt. If you don’t exist, you cannot doubt, and you cannot think. So, if you think, that actually means you exist. That is what he meant by saying ‘I think, therefore I am’.

Here is more clear interpretation of the statement that I found in a forum:

“I think, therefore I am” is a crude mistranslation of Descartes’s proposition. It misrepresents the essence of Descartes’s philosophy because most philosophers now regard the process of thinking as a kind of invisible mechanical action (i.e. stimulus-response).

Historians, philosophers and many scientists have repeated this mistranslated phrase for more than three hundred years. But Descartes’s meant something entirely different, as can be seen when “cogito ergo sum” is read in context.

The Latin word, cogito can mean “I think”, “I know” or “I am aware”; ergo always means “therefore” in any context. However, sum can mean “I am” or “I exist”. To suggest that, “I know, therefore I am” would be wrong as it’s possible to accept wrong knowledge as correct.

If you read Descartes’s Philosophical Writings in context, it becomes obvious that he was concerned with awareness rather than with thinking or knowing and with existence rather than being.

Properly translated, Descartes’s phrase should therefore read: “I am aware, therefore I exist” – a subjective rather than a mechanistic generalization. No machine can be self- or globally aware, no matter how many sensors are attached to it.

In fact, the philosopher Spinoza translated cogito ergo sum as “I am conscious, therefore I exist”. Even that’s wrong, although it’s closer to the truth than the usual lazy mistranslation which has unfairly earned Descartes’s the reputation of being a crude reductionist.

It’s true that he stated the obvious: that physiological functions are pseudo-mechanical. But he also insisted that man was much more than a machine because of his subjective awareness of the self and of the universe.”

How will a teacher find out if a student has copied another student? If both made the exact same mistake, then one person must have copied another.

Sadhguru simply used Osho’s example without realizing that Osho himself has interpreted it in the wrong way.

  1. Sadhguru once said that seventy percent illness are created by the mind..

Is it a fact? How did he come up with 70%.. Why not 72%? Why not 80%…

Because, Osho also said the exact same thing:

  1. Read the following excerpt from Sadhguru:

“So, this is…this whole idea of right and wrong, good and bad is all human nonsense. Existence is not human centric. They have always told you… many religions of the world have been going about telling people “You are made in God’s own image” and once you are in God’s own image naturally the place that you live They believed this for a long time, isn’t it? Even now they are insisting. You’ve heard of this guy Copernicus? Copernicus was one of the first guys who came and said, “Earth is not the center of the universe; not only not the center of the universe, it is not even the center of the solar system.” And he promptly died. That’s not bad thing; it’s a good thing because the next man after him, when he uttered the same thing the local church decided to skin him alive. They wanted to peal his skin off and the skin would not cooperate. So, they decided to burn him alive. The next significant man who has uttered the same thing was Galileo; he said the same thing. Then they got ready with the skin peelers. Then he said, “No, no, no, no; earth is the center of the universe and the cosmos. What is my problem? (Laughter) As you say earth is not only the center of the solar system and not only the center of the universe; it is the very center of the cosmos. Anyway I do not know what is the center of the cosmos, you want to assume. I want to save my skin. That much I know.” (Laughs)

So, today science has proved to you that definitely earth is not the center of the solar system, in the universe you are just a miniscule. Tomorrow morning if you and your planet disappears, if it evaporates nobody is going to miss it. Hmm? The whole solar system evaporates tomorrow morning it will be just a small vacant place that nobody is going to miss in the existence, nothing is going to happen. Yes? God won’t come rescuing you. It’ll just pooff it will go. This is a good thing. This whole idea that I am made in the image of God has left man so crude and he has been walking upon this planet so wantonly without any concern for any other life on this planet, simply because he believes he is in the image of God. If you knew that your life is as significant or as insignificant as that of an ant – it is actually.”

–  From

Now read this excerpt from Osho and you will find that the above excerpt is the exact rephrase of what Osho said. It sounds almost like Sadhguru had just read this before coming to the discourse:

“Human beings have thought of God in human terms. It is natural. We have said that God created man in His own image. If horses could think they would deny this: they would say that God created horses in His own image. Because man has created the philosophy, he has made himself the center.

Even God must be in our image. He must have created us in His own image. Man’s ego has asserted these things. This is not knowledge, this is not knowing – this is simply an anthropocentric feeling.

Man feels himself to be the center. We have thought that the earth is the center of the universe and man is the center of creation. These conceptions are false imaginations, dreams of the human ego. God has not created anybody in His own image because the whole is His image. The trees, the earth, the stars; the animals, men, women – everything that exists is His image, not just man.

Then too, we have divided the world into good and evil. The world is not so divided: good and evil are our evaluations. If man did not exist on the earth there would be neither good nor bad. Things would exist, things would be there, but there would be no evaluation. The evaluation is man’s: it is our imposition, it is our projection.”

–  From ‘The Eternal Quest’ by Osho

  1. Both men surprisingly had the same views about nations:

“Someday, we must overcome the idea of a nation. Such a silly idea – someone draws a line and that becomes so immensely important. These boundaries have become meaningful only because there is such inequity in the world. If there was no inequity, if for example, Mexico and the United States both had the same level of economic prosperity and wellbeing, would one side be guarding the borders with guns, barbed wires and all that, and would the other side be digging tunnels to get here? No. Whoever wants to go in either direction could do so – no one would care. But in our lifetime, we may not see the abolishment of national borders. Europe has done reasonably well, but it looks like they are beginning to step back from the European Union because those who have, do not want to share with those who do not have.”

By Sadhguru – From

Osho said the same thing:

“NATIONS HAVE BECOME out of date – but they go on existing and they are the greatest problem. Looking at the world with a bird’s eye view, a strange feeling arises that we have everything – just we need one humanity.

For example, in Ethiopia people were dying – one thousand people per day – and in Europe they were drowning billions of dollars worth of food in the ocean.

Anybody looking from the outside will think humanity is insane. Thousands of people are dying and mountains of butter and other foodstuff is being drowned in the ocean. But Ethiopia is not the concern of the Western world. Their concern is to save their economies and their status quo. And to protect their economic structures, they are willing to destroy food which could have saved the lives of thousands of people.

Problems are worldwide – solutions have also to be worldwide.

And my understanding is absolutely clear, that there are things somewhere where they are not needed, and somewhere else the very life depends on them. A world government means looking at the whole situation of this globe and shifting things where they are needed.

It is one humanity. And once we think of one world, then there is only one economy.”

  • From ‘Hari Om Tat Sat’ by Osho

  1. Here are a couple of comparisons as well:

Sarada giving the knife to vivekananda:

Alexander and immortality:



  1. Have you heard about a story told by Sadhguru about Ramakrishna’s obsession over food to keep his body alive? Try as much as you can to find out the source of the story and you can only find this story in Osho’s talks. I have read in many places Ramakrishna liked certain fruits and sweets. But the conversation between Sarada and Ramakrishna regarding the obsession over food and Ramakrishna saying that it is necessary to keep his body alive seems to be just an imaginary incident created by Osho. Even if it was true, it is highly unlikely that both Osho and Sadhguru somehow independently got access to this information which is not found in any other sources.

I have all three volumes of ‘Gospel of Ramakrishna’ which is the most honest account of Ramakrishna’s life incidents. When you read the book, you will feel like watching a movie. Everything that happened was exactly recorded by the author and there is not even a single place where it is mentioned that he had an obsession over food and he was often checking the kitchen to find out what is cooking. But Ramakrishna always used to ask for a glass of water which was necessary for him to come out of Samadhi.

9. Sadhguru narrates a story of Svetaketu in a podcast:

Svetaketu and the Cows

But you can’t find this story of Svetaketu as narrated by Sadhguru in Upanishads… Because it seems that the story is a mixture of two different stories from Chandogya Upanishad, one story is of Svetaketu (His father questions him if he has known that which cannot be known) and the other is the story of Satyakama (the one who is sent to forest with 400 animals)..

So, how did Sadhguru come up with this story? You guessed it. Osho made this mistake of mixing up the two stories:

10. Sadhguru says in a discourse that there are two paths :

“Fundamentally, on any Spiritual path, there are only two types of spiritual processes in the world – the path of Samadhi and the path of Pragna”

This is actually a Buddhist distinction, but usually the terms Samatha and Vipassana are used, instead of pragna and samadhi, respectively. Osho was the one who used these terms when talking about this distinction. Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev also used the same terminology and even gave the same examples given by Osho.

Check my post here:

So, It is very obvious that Sadhguru has read books of Osho and greatly influenced by him. I respect Sadhguru a lot for all the phenomenal work that he is doing for this world. But while he is taking a lot of effort to give credit to Adiyogi, why did he fail to give credit to Osho? He hasn’t even talked about him in his discourses.

                                             Spiritual enlightenment and Science

We think we are rational human beings. But unfortunately it is not so. Every human being’s thinking is naturally biased, which is a nature’s way of helping human survival. We must consider all the cognitive biases that can happen when people interpret their own enlightenment. Cognitive bias can influence our logical thinking in various ways. No matter how intelligent a person is, he is not free of cognitive bias. I used to believe that enlightenment destroys the bias, but if you observe the enlightened people and their talks, you will find out it is not true.

Many reports of spiritual enlightenment are self-reports. The individuals who go through a spiritual experience and shift their centre from self-concept to their being, they often try to conform to the believed standards of enlightenment. It is natural, because a human being as a social animal wants to conform to the standards of society. Conformity is studied by social psychologists.

Only a few people have revolted against the conventional standards and proposed some new standards. Osho is an example. But still, they don’t completely ignore all the standards as they cannot completely avoid conformity, which is a human tendency when it comes to social behaviour.

For example, almost all enlightened people agree with existence of Karma.. Sure, we all know that natural laws exist. But Karma is not explained as a natural law all the time. They imply that something from an individual continues to another new born individual and affects him. But did they really come to that conclusion with some knowledge that they gained out of their own experience and interpreted that knowledge in unbiased way or are they simply repeating what has been said? Is the role of collective unconsciousness (Carl Jung) understood falsely as the role of karma?

Some people report that they remember their previous reincarnation. But you also need to know that there is something called ‘False memory’ which is a psychological phenomenon wherein a person recalls something that did not occur.

Interestingly, when scientists did research about reincarnation, they analyzed reports of past life memories from various people and found that most of the people who report such memories come from the eastern part of the world. The obvious reason is the fact that reincarnation is a belief which mostly comes from the East. So, obviously when they have false memories, they associate it with reincarnation. While false memories are not intentional, some people are also likely to intentionally make up such stories.

How about seeing auras? Can it be Synesthesia? (a neurological phenomenon that causes cross wiring of senses)..

I am not saying that all these claims of seeing auras or remembering past lives cannot be real.. It could be. I am just suggesting all the possibilities. When it comes to science, you have to be both open minded and skeptic. But people are usually inclined more towards believing or completely denying.

But I assume that there is certainly a link between enlightenment and neural plasticity. Scientists now believe that mindfulness meditation can rewire the brain. An enlightened brain could be a completely rewired brain that inhibits the activity of sympathetic nervous system when there is no need. SNS is supposed to be activated when an animal feels that there is a threat for life. If a lion is chasing the deer, then SNS of the deer activates its fear and makes it to run fast. But as human beings evolved from being an animal to human, the SNS gets activated even for trivial issues and makes human beings to suffer. Rewiring the brain through meditation or self-inquiry may be the way to get rid of this human suffering.

The most reasonable way to study enlightenment is to study the brains of enlightened people. Scientists can observe many things from techniques like fMRI and PET scans. They have been already studying the brains of mediators but only a couple of so called enlightened people have volunteered to have their brains studied.



Author: Shanmugam

I am a blogger and I was a spiritual seeker. I had a tremendous awakening experience in July 12, 2014 on a Gurupurnima day in the presence of Sadhguru but I wouldn’t call that as spiritual enlightenment. But it did free me from many things and changed many things.

74 thoughts on “The Journey of a Seeker – My Story”

  1. Found your post via Dharma Overground and read the whole way through. Really enjoyed your story and appreciate you sharing it – thank you. May you your practice continue to grow as your state further integrates!


  2. I have just read the first half of your writeup above. Will read the rest soon and comment. I think I will benefit greatly from it.

    I saw a TV interview of Arun Shourie by Vir Sanghvi the other day on CNN-News18 (available online). You may be interested in his book that is about to come out: “Two Saints: Speculations around and about Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and Ramana Maharshi” (the interview was held in this connection). I am waiting for the copy I have ordered online.

    (I respect Shourie but he seems to have fallen into what I call the Scientific Trap. Anyway I think the book will help me at least a bit.)


  3. Your story is interesting, there is very much similar things happening in my life too.
    I’m currently studying civil engineering

    Thank you very much.

    How to contact you?


  4. I happened to come across videos of Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev on You tube, after watching one I went on to watch another and then another and so on and got influenced a lot. But I also came across articles and videos where people referred to him as fake. Whatsoever I really like his talks and wish to visit his Ashram once for some lessons but again I found people warning on various blogs etc. about the dangers, I was doing lot of research on internet when I happened to come across your writing on Quora and from there I came here. I really enjoyed reading your blog. The comparisons between Osho’s teaching and Sadhguru are also interesting. Thanks for the wonderful post.


  5. Thank you very much for your sharing, it’s very informative. 🙂

    You are questioning why Sadhguru is greatly influenced by Osho but never credited Osho about his anecdotes and stories. Sadhguru had explained this as below:

    “Its not that I have not spoken about Rajneesh-I have. It’s just that his approach was different than what we have taken so it is not necessary for me to speak about Rajneesh. I don’t speak of JK also because his approach is very different as well.”

    I’d say Sadhguru makes use of Osho’s anecdotes as tools to convey his ideas, rather than he’s been ‘influenced’.

    If he credits everything he uses, would it be a huge burden? We use language to communicate, but we don’t credit the language every time we speak.

    Maybe the emphasis should be put on what two different approaches they take. I am very curious about this.


    1. He doesn’t even talk about Osho at all, let alone giving credit to Osho…But he talks about all other mystics and even those list of mystics is also exactly same as Osho’s list.. In my more than 13 years of spiritual journey, I have certainly learnt to find the difference between being influenced by someone else vs just quoting someone else anecdotes; more than that, I have certainly learnt many things by observing, reading and listening to so many people who have taken up Guru’s role today…. So, I can definitely say that Sadhguru’s behavior is a little fishy… But this is not to say that he is a conman or badman altogether… He has done many things which are good, just like any human being who has some authority and power will do… He is promoting a lot of things about our culture including native martial arts like kalaripayattu, which is awesome… But, when it comes to enlightenment and guiding people towards it, I have a question mark about him..

      I have already answered many such comments before in Quora.. You can go through the following answers especially the comments section:


  6. Hi Shanmugam, thanks for sharing your experience about enlightenment. I found it genuine and inspiring. Have enjoyed also reading about Ramakrishna and Osho.
    I wonder if you’ve had the opportunity to get familiar with other famous spiritual leaders such as Yogananda, Nisargadatta, Papaji, Adiashanti, and if you have formed also an opinion about their prevalent message and enlightenment ‘technology’.


    1. thank you Chris.. Yes I am familiar with all of the gurus you have mentioned.. Have read some parts of ‘Autobiography of Yogi’ and Yogananda’s book about Jesus Christ. Have seen Papaji’s videos and read a book as well. Read Nisargadatta’s ‘I am that’ and have also watched some of Adyashanthi’s videos…

      Don’t really have specific opinions about Nisargadatta or Adya but I did find their teachings useful.

      Papaji was quite different. One thing that I found weird about him was that he declared most of his disciples as enlightened. But he did say later that he simply did that to ‘get the leaches off his back’.. I have heard that many people found his guidance quite useful. I recently read Sam Harris book ‘Waking up’ where he shows his high opinion about Papaji but he also points out how he was culturally biased. Of course, from what I have observed, all human beings are subject to bias whether enlightened or not.

      Regarding Yogananda, I have mixed opinions. When I read his book, the style of writing itself reveals that he is probably influenced by a lot of confirmation bias. I feel that there are certain things that he overlooks when he interprets Bible. For example, the 4 Gospels are actually written many years after Jesus’s death and I don’t think those Gospels do complete justice in revealing what exactly Jesus preached. And Yoganda, although says that he had direct contact with Jesus, places those Gospels as full authority to explain Jesus’s teaching. From what I read in the book so far, he doesn’t seem to have even a single doubt that the way things are explained in Gospels may have even slightest deviation from what Jesus actually spoke.


  7. Thank you sir for sharing such a comprehensive and wonderful experience of your life. There are lot of questions which linger in my mind but I don’t know where to go. could you please help me?


      1. According to my observations or rather perceptions, I have a clue that nature itself could be called as ‘GOD’. What I am thinking is that if the natural principles are fabricated in favor of us and therefore if we do something good(my view is that good and bad are absolute and defined by nature itself) then we are on the god’s(nature’s) side . This idea is also called pantheism.I want you to shed light into it. Thankyou


      2. Pantheism, according to the definition in Wiki, is “Pantheism is the belief that all reality is identical with divinity,[1] or that everything composes an all-encompassing, immanent god”

        This is similar to what Advaita Vedanta teaches. Everything is Brahman. Chandogya upanishad says that just like all vessels of clay, though having different forms are made up of single source, the entire universe springs from Brahman and is Brahman itself…

        Now, this oneness of everything is something that is realized experientially. Enlightenment is just the experience of reality without the distinctions that has been superimposed on it. When the personal boundaries of ‘me’ vs ‘world’ disappears, you automatically feel one with the universe. In that oneness, you realize all that exists. That is what we call as Brahman. You can use any name you want, the name is not important. So whether you call that as God, Shiva, Krishna, Brahman, doesn’t matter.

        But the word ‘Pantheism’ may mean different thing to different people. I don’t really prefer to use that word for it. I don’t even use the word God, because it has the same problem.


      3. But could it be a possibility that nature itself regulatess the system of not only materialistic things but also the human consciousness. Also could it be true that the cause and effect process of nature judges between good and bad


      4. Good and bad are just the ideas of mind… If a lonely bull is roaming in the lion’s territory, it is not good for the goat but it is very good for a lion.

        There is nobody other than humans who is judging whether something is good or bad…


      5. Then this world is unfair.The logic of being vegetarian only because animals would feel pain has no meaning. Good and bad emotions are just an illusion. A criminal lives life of prosperity and an honest man succumbs against the hostility of criminals and the list of such examples goes on. Justice has no universal meaning. It is an artificial design.


      6. Yes, existence is not always fair towards us.. Life is totally unfair. An earthquake can happen right now and take my life as I am typing this message.

        We as a human beings should have compassion to not to cause suffering to others. Nobody else is monitoring what we do and grant reward or punishment according to that.


      7. Sir couldn’t be a unique answer to all these questions and shouldn’t we hunt for the answers which would fit into physical as well as moral aspects of the life. If not then we are compelled to behave in a way our circumstances as well as hormones make us to act. Something looks really missing


      8. There are lot of atheists in the world who don’t believe in God. But they are not acting according to how their hormones prompt them. Many of the atheists I know are really good people.

        In fact, belief in God has actually caused a lot of violence more than anything else. Human beings don’t need a supernatural judge to act good and be nice. All that is needed is proper education and proper upbringing. And we have meditation to go beyond a lot of our compulsive behaviors.

        When you go deep into meditation, it will automatically make you behave in a way that doesn’t cause suffering to others.


      9. Sir, do you believe in soul? Please tell us something about anadmaya Kosh

        On 18-Sep-2017 10:27 PM, “Shanmugam’s Personal Blog” wrote:

        > Shanmugam commented: “There are lot of atheists in the world who don’t > believe in God. But they are not acting according to how their hormones > prompt them. Many of the atheists I know are really good people. In fact, > belief in God has actually caused a lot of violence more t” >


      10. Soul according to me is something which is not materialistic. It is the very identity or the ‘self’. Is it true that we are just a complex system of atoms which somehow become conscious or something else?

        On 02-Oct-2017 10:59 PM, “Shanmugam’s Personal Blog” wrote:

        Shanmugam commented: “What do you mean by the word ‘soul’? Please define it and I will give you the reply..” Respond to this comment by replying above this line

        New comment on *Shanmugam’s Personal Blog *

        *Shanmugam* commented on The Journey of a Seeker – My Story .

        in response to *saurabh mishra*:

        Sir, do you believe in soul? Please tell us something about anadmaya Kosh


      11. If you call the absolute reality, the sakshin or the witness as soul, then yes it does exist.. (you can’t deny your own existence)

        Koshas are little similar to the Buddhist concept of 5 aggregates.. When you witness your mind and your body, first you witness the physical form which is annamayakosha, then there is your life energy which is pranamayakosha, then there is your manas, the part of the mind which has to do with your likes and dislikes, emotions etc, then there is vigyanamaya kosha, which is your discriminatory power; finally the witness or anandamaya kosha, which is usually referred to as sat-chit-ananda (truth-conciousness-bliss)..

        These concepts are just used as teaching techniques or devices….


      12. Is it immortal?

        On 02-Oct-2017 11:12 PM, “Shanmugam’s Personal Blog” wrote:

        > Shanmugam commented: “If you call the absolute reality, the sakshin or the > witness as soul, then yes it does exist.. (you can’t deny your own > existence) Koshas are little similar to the Buddhist concept of 5 > aggregates.. When you witness your mind and your body, first you wi” >


      13. Thats what vedanta says…

        But anyway, when you die nothing actually disappears.. Everything merges into existence.. your body merges with the earth. The energy in the body is also not lost, as we know that energy cannot be destroyed.

        There are many metaphysical theories regarding these things… . I am not sure whether consciousness will survive after death- it may or may not.But nobody can be certain about what happens to consciousness after death. We don’t have an answer based on evidence yet.

        But you will not worry about all these things once you are spiritually awakened… Once you feel that you are one with existence, death appears to be an illusion.


      14. Sir is it sensible to think that this gigantic universe is designed (say it is self designed) then also we could say that the whole universe is consciousness in itself. If you talk about the oneness with the nature then can we think that the creator of this conscious being is in itself conscious ( literally conscious) and thereby the whole universe is conscious.

        On 02-Oct-2017 11:21 PM, “Shanmugam’s Personal Blog” wrote:

        > Shanmugam commented: “Thats what vedanta says… But anyway, when you die > nothing actually disappears.. Everything merges into existence.. your body > merges with the earth. The energy in the body is also not lost, as we know > that energy cannot be destroyed. There are many me” >


      15. Yes.. it makes sense to think that way.. But do we know for sure? Unless we know it for sure, we cannot say that with certainty.

        There is a mystery in the existence.. We can fall in love with the mystery, we can write poems about it, we can do research, we can philosophize about it and come up with metaphysical theories; But we don’t have a definite answer yet.

        But there is a way to become a part of the mystery; In fact, you already are! But you feel separate and limited now. If you get into serious spiritual practice, these questions will stop bothering you one day.

        Thats why Buddha refused to answer such questions. Instead, he guided people to actually practice the techniques he gave to end their suffering. You can find more details about it here:


      16. Sir , please help me to achieve this. I am searching for something but I myself don’t know what for.

        On 02-Oct-2017 11:40 PM, “Shanmugam’s Personal Blog” wrote:

        > Shanmugam commented: “Yes.. it makes sense to think that way.. But do we > know for sure? Unless we know it for sure, we cannot say that with > certainty. There is a mystery in the existence.. We can fall in love with > the mystery, we can write poems about it, we can do research,” >


      17. Sir thank you so much. Actually this “thanks” word can’t express how grateful I feel for you.

        On 02-Oct-2017 11:53 PM, “Shanmugam’s Personal Blog” wrote:

        > Shanmugam commented: “Go to this link: > witnessing_a_simple_phenomenon.htm Read this and also read all the links > which are given in the bottom. What Osho calls as ‘witnessing’ is the only > practice that I did in the long term. ” >


  8. Was Osho/Rajneesh enlightened? Was he a saint? I haven’t read his books, maybe out of prejudice. But I would like to provide some information which younger people may not be aware of.

    Before he moved to the U.S., there were bad rumours about his Pune ashram which, of course, were denied. I recall an article in The Illustrated Weekly of India (which was published by the Times of India group) with a picture of a row of benches with two or three naked Westerners on each bench.

    A lot of European men had settled in the Pune ashram and married Indian women. When Rajneesh moved to the U.S., many of these men divorced their Indian wives so that they could marry Americans and live in the U.S.! I can’t give you the source of this report.

    In the Oregon ashram, Rajneesh had a fleet of Rolls Royce cars. As far as I know, he lived a life of great luxury. They also had a TV channel which was reported to show what can be described as adult material.

    After a few years, the U.S. govt kicked him out. I don’t recall the circumstances; maybe there was a deal and he escaped arrest by agreeing to leave. He returned to Pune and died a few years later. After that his followers changed his name as they do to dead emperors in Japan (Hirohito became Showa).

    Such a man should not be compared with Ramana Maharshi or Nisargadatta Maharaj!


    1. Yes, I am aware of all the controversies surrounding Osho. Yes, He did have a lot of Rolls Royces. But I also know the man through what he has talked all his life… Here is what he said about his Rolls Royces:

      Anyway, there is no way to prove whether he is enlightened or not. This goes back to the whole issue that I have raised. As I said, enlightenment should be studied by Science. And as far as I have observed, enlightenment doesn’t make anyone morally perfect…

      But the impact he made in my life is so much. I cannot write about my spiritual life without mentioning Osho.. It is impossible!


      1. That site is down now also. The point I wanted to make is that the ability to go into nirvikalpa samadhi is not enlightenment or liberation (it may be the first step). The mind should become completely pure. Therefore, a person who is fearful or boastful is not enlightened. This seems to apply to Rajneesh and Jaggi. I must admit that all this is just based on what I have read, not personal experience.


      2. I agree that nirvikalpa samadhi itself is not final. Because, it is temporary and the person returns to duality once he comes out of samadhi. Ramana Maharishi says that Sahaja samadhi is final, which is nothing but living without duality but still retaining body consciousness and being able to function in the world as everybody else. Ramana has also clarified that not everyone goes through nirvikalpa samadhi and it really depends on the prarabhda karma.

        In the Advaitic tradition of the lineage of Shankara, nirvikalpa samadhi is not discussed at all.


      3. The reason for my mentioning Silva here, although it isn’t directly related to your experiences, is that Jose Silva claimed that he had scientifically analysed the working of the brain/mind and created techniques which were experimentally verified. Reading this material may help some of your readers (who wrote above) answer some of their questions. I don’t think you need this, you have progressed much further as far as I can see!
        The site gives a summary and could be a starting point. There seem to be at least two organisations at present, one run by his son Jose Silva Jr and the other by his daughter Laura Silva Quesada. (Jose Silva (1914-1999) had 10 children.)


  9. Namaskaram
    I just read your blog and that is great. And i have a question that what we call those people who can know everything about our whole life just being in their presence and cure the people even without touching them.
    I know a guru who have these kind of ability


    1. Namaskaram Kapil… thats an interesting question..

      Let me first tell you what our scriptures say regarding these special powers called Siddhis…Patanjali yogasutras lists tons of those siddhis which can be acquired in the process of spiritual sadhana. But acquiring these siddhis are not the intention of a spiritual sadhana; it only focuses on one and one thing only: Moksha or liberation (spiritual enlightenment). Also, many gurus warn about these siddhis. They can distract one from a spiritual path and make him get stuck without ever getting the actual liberation. So, a person who has siddhis is not necessarily enlightened. Usually spiritually enlightened people are less interested to exhibit any siddhis even if they possess them. Also, not all these spiritually enlightened people have any siddhis either.

      What I said above was just a summary of what all these scriptures say and what I have heard. But I don’t believe in things just because they are said in scriptures.

      I have encountered a person who was blind and living in a crematorium. He could actually say certain things about the present for eg. He could find out something that was going on inside my mind that I had never revealed to anyone. (it was not something that is ambiguous but very clear). But he made a future prediction which actually did not come true. Based on this, I can say that some kind of extra-sensory perception may exist with its own limitations. I am using the word ‘may’ because I have learnt in my life that what seems to be real is not always real (Take a simple magic show that we have watched, as an example)

      Also, I know that 999 out of 1000 people who claim that they know everything about your life are probably fake. They use techniques such as hot reading and cold reading.

      You can read about them up here:

      And regarding curing diseases immediately, I am totally skeptical about it. Did you encounter such thing in a stage performance or the person cured a serious disease of someone whom you know very well? What kind of health issue was that? How much money does that person collect for such a thing? (He should be a millionaire by now if he was genuine)…

      By the way, no offense intended. Don’t take it as a disrespect towards whoever that Guru is.


      1. yes , i have met such people personally even today i met him and one who is receptive can feel the positive energy in his room
        yes i have seen so many cases like that he cure the people even without touching them . Some of the cases i have seen with my eyes like he lets the people get rid of negative energy
        of course he charge good for that but also he assure that in future that negative energy will not disturb them again in their life.
        and one more thing i have seen with my own eyes that he can do “Shakti path” only with his presence and he performed this on one of friend . I know osho can do shakti path by touching the person and transmit energy to them and i have seen such video of osho in which he perform shakti path by touching the person on his center point of eyebrows.
        one more thing i would like to add is that i believe in Aura. yes it does exist ,i don’t know why you don’t believe in such things but i assure you that these things really exist .
        Whatever i have read,learn,listen i come to a conclusion that he is Enlighten


      2. Belief is actually a poor substitute for knowledge… We try to fill in some gaps in the knowledge by using our beliefs. Human beings have always come up with their own imaginary explanation whenever they encounter something that cannot be explained by what they already know. Also, we are quick to form conclusions about things.

        Even if you see a shade of light around a person, you shouldn’t immediately give a mystical meaning to it. Instead, you need to find yourself the reason why it happens. There are people who can see things that other people can’t see, simply because of some differences in their nervous system. Synesthesia is a good and interesting example.

        Yes, It is possible to see what they call as auras. But it doesn’t mean that all the beliefs that we attach to auras need to be true. Read this article:

        Also read about placebo effect and confirmation bias. And I suggest you read Sam Harris’s ‘Waking up – spirituality without religion’. He talks about ‘pointing out instruction’ that he received from a guru which caused an epiphany for him. And he gives a rational explanation for it as well.

        The answer ‘I don’t know’ may be something that people don’t want to hear or say, but it is more genuine than a belief. Even Osho taught the same thing…

        Thats why I don’t believe in things… I either know or don’t know.

        What is the name of your Guru? Is the information about him available online? Also, what kind of diseases he actually cures? If I look him up, I can comment about him more.. (Osho talked a lot of imaginary diseases that can be cured by placebo.. If you have got convinced that you have some negative energy then a cup of water given by your favorite Guru can cure it, not because the water has healing properties. It happens because of placebo effect)


  10. Readers may be interested in “The Silva Mind Control Method” by Jose Silva, a Mexican-American, and other books by him like “You the Healer”.


    1. It seems my comment above was too short and rather cryptic! Silva claimed to have developed a technique for meditating and solving problems including healing oneself and others, otherwise known as remote healing. He didn’t say it was instant. His organisation held classes in many countries including India. He wrote that earlier he used to train people to read auras but found that it was unnecessary. His books (paperback) are widely available. It appears that some people had some success with these techniques and some didn’t.


      1. Thank you , I have heard his name before but I don’t know much about him.. I will search for more information, read them and then I will leave a comment.


  11. The web page of Ed Muzika was available just now and I made a PDF of it. I would like to send it to you. Would you please send me your email address?

    I was surprised to read that Shankara doesn’t mention nirvikalpa samadhi. How can I verify this? (I can’t ask for a reference if there is none!)

    I attended some lectures of Swami Chinmayananda and Swami Dayananda in the 1970s and 80s. The former used to mention nirvikalpa. He also emphasised the elimination of vasanas. The latter made it clear that understanding had to be through the intellect. He said that a quiet, alert mind could receive the truth from a guru. I think I wasn’t really qualified.


    1. Thank you.. You can send the pdf to borris83[at]

      Actually, the word nirvikalpa is somewhat synonymous with ‘advaita’, and in that sense, a person who is enlightened is experiencing reality without ‘vikalpas’ or as ‘nirvikalpa’…Shankara is also in agreement here…

      But when we say nirvikalpa samadhi, we often refer to a temporary state where a person loses body consciousness and immersed in his nature. It is this that Shankara didn’t consider as necessary. He doesn’t talk about it in any of his bhashyas and doesn’t say that it is a necessary step in self-realization.

      However, in the book ‘Vivekachudamani’, this nirvikalpa samadhi is mentioned in detail. But the authorship of ‘Vivekachudamani’ is debated and scholars generally don’t agree that Shankara is the author of ‘Vivekachudamani’.. I have also read it and it sounds completely different from his bhashyas.

      Swami Dayananda doesn’t even agree that there is an experiential side to enlightenment. He says everything is completely intellectual and even the word ‘anubhava’ means ‘understanding’. He used to make fun of samadhi experiences… If I find some links I will comment. But however, Swami Dayananda’s explanations sound a little misleading to me. Because I know that this oneness of non-duality is not mere an intellectual understanding alone.

      I actually initiated a debate with some western Vedanta teachers and one of them was a student of Swami Chinmayananda. But he had also adopted a lot of views from Swami Dayananda. I challenged him against his views with some scriptural evidence. You can read it here: .. Then I exchanged some emails with him, but I haven’t posted it in my blog yet.. I will be doing that soon.


  12. Hi, I have enjoyed reading your article after a friend shared with me. As one who is also walking the path of awakening to their true “self”, it has given good food for contemplation and consideration.

    I have a comment on attempting to apply modern scientific approaches towards deeper aspects of existence. As one with a background and slightly more than ley understanding of the physical and human sciences, I have seen that current scientific philosophy of observe, associate with referent, replicate and make conclusions (finite tangible knowledge) is ill-equipped to address matters of enlightenment. The foundation for this reasoning is my understanding of how existence comes to be where I see enlightenment being to do with “concepts” outside the space/time – time/space continuum, thus not observable through the 5 aggregates of being. From my study and spiritual seeking, I have formed a world view as below (largely influenced by The Law of One – );

    There was, is and always will be, infinity, without boundaries or polarities, within this infinity there was the “potential” for awareness (which can be characterized by freedom of will – that which is seen as the first distortion from unity) and awareness arose, within this awareness, arose the potential for finity and finity arose, and thus the sequence follows – finity bringing forth ‘manyness’, onwards and onwards ad-infinitum.
    Within this infinite manyness, arose the ‘prime mover’ Love(Logos), that which has been called God by our peoples. This Love can be characterised by its focusing of intelligent infinity to give rise to ‘intelligent energy’, this energy being characterised by a distortion (i.e. movement from original state) or frequency, this frequency, we call Light, the foundation of the manifested creation or in other terms ‘densities of illusion’.
    This vibration, Light (along with its concomitants – space/time & time/space), can then be seen to be a projection of the Logos/Love, being its free-will distortions which we (all sentient beings), being a part of, experience as life and the creation/existence…. and follows that our moment to moment choices, being us, as ‘sub-sub-sub-sub…..logoi are, our free-will distortions as a part of the greater whole.
    And just as in the physical universe, from any point of observation, all directions are the same (cosmological isotropy), it follows that our religions tell us that the ‘Kingdom of God’ is within us. For everything manifest is a projection from portions of that original ‘concept’.

    It would be interesting to share perspectives with another scientifically inclined seeker.



    1. Hi Amwayi.. I understand what you are saying.. But the research that I am talking about has to do with observing the brain activity and structural and functional changes of the brains of the people who report spiritual awakening… It is definitely possible to narrow down the neural correlates of non-dual consciousness but it will take time. I have already written a detailed post regarding this here:


  13. Shanmugam, Vanakam again! I read your life sketch. Very interesting spiritual journey! But I feel you have missed out some fundamental points about spirituality in general because of which you seem to have gone off tangent a little despite the interesting spiritual awakening that you have had. What those point are I hope you will come to know as we correspond. I have no doubt there is much I can learn by interacting with you.

    Let me start off by asking you some questions:

    1. You say that Paramahansa Yogananda “is probably influenced by a lot of confirmation bias”. Could you please elucidate this opinion of yours with more specific examples?

    2. You say you don’t believe in beliefs. But isn’t that itself a belief?

    Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you.


    1. 1)Regarding Paramhamsa Yogananda, that is the overall impression that I got after reading some of his books. I don’t remember the details now, to give you examples.. May be if I read his books again, I will come with some examples..

      2. What I meant was, I don’t believe in anything.. I either know or I don’t know…


      1. Hi Shan, (don’t mind my calling you so), you say you have read Yogananda’s Autobiography only partly. Why not read it completely and see if you can justify your opinion of him with suitable examples therefrom. I have read the Autobiography several times and I feel that he is one of the greatest spiritual luminaries of India and that is why I am surprised at your characterization of him as “influenced by confirmation bias”. Please oblige me. Tq.

        Sorry, I don’t think you have answered my 2nd question. To say, I DON’T BELIEVE IN BELIEFS is itself a BELIEF. Don’t you agree? I think you are a little confused about the term BELIEF. This I think is a very fundamental spiritual point you have missed in your spiritual journey. Knowing what BELIEF actually connotes is of utmost importance for your spiritual progress. BELIEF constitutes a very significant part of our lives. The IMPRESSION that you have formed of Yogananda is nothing but a BELIEF. You BELIEVED what you heard/read about Osho’s advice on meditation and then validated the BELIEF by practising what he had preached. Isn’t that so? I can go on and on but the 2 examples will suffice for now, Now, over to you for your comment. Tq


      2. I didn’t get this impression after reading ‘Autobiography of the yogi’ but his book ‘The Second coming of Christ’.. This was only regarding his commentary on Bible and not regarding his meditation techniques.

        Anyway, let us forget Paramhamsa Yogananda for a minute. As much as I have seen, all people, whether enlightened or not, are prone to confirmation bias.

        It is clear that you are impressed by Paramhamsa Yogananda.. I admit that I don’t know much about him except what I have read so far. The only reason why I gave my opinion about his books is because someone in the comments asked my opinion about him.

        I don’t disagree in anyway that he is a great master. But one thing I have learn’t in my life is that no one is infallible or perfect.


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